ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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