dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
