Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She announced her abortion via fbk
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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