Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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