Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
