Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
