puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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