I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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