I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
