it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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