she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize