We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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