What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
