Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
