2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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