There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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