the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
