What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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