Don't you send me to vm
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
