At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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