every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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