i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
