Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
