so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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