i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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