she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
