Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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