Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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