he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
