worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Houston, we have a blender
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
