Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
