good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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