my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
