Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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