I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I faked an abortion last night.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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