two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
