I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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