I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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