return my video game
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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