I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Let's get the cat blown out
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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