you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
