Buhtt sex?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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