covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
