I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
