I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
