well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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