it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila