Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.