Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.