god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.