Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.