She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.