I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED