never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
