You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
