u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he was CRYING into my vagina
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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