i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I pour the whiskey from now on
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
