I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
