a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
this hospital has no fireball
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
