I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
