I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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