how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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