Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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