Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
