apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
