I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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