is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
false alarm, still single
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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