You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
