I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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