Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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