dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
