I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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