i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
