Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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