non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
