I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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