If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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