if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
