apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
